Original Recipe: Beef Soup with Rice

This recession brings back memories for me. Back in the olden days, when I was a child working in the coal mines, life was rough. Back then, we had to work long hours and got little pay, barely enough to support my wives and kids. After a long day of work, we didn't have much to look forward to besides a nice meal to warm us up in those cold nights.

The coal mine was next to large stretches of farmland -- spinach fields, rice patties, and beef patties as far as the eye could see. We had an age long tradition where whenever the beef patties intermingled with the spinach fields and rice patties, we made this soup:

Soup Ingredients:

1. Organic Stew Beef chunks (the high fat kind, not the lean kind unless you like chewey)
2. Organic prewashed baby spinach from Costco -- no washing, freakin' awesome!
3. Garlic
4. Salt
5. Water

Soup Instructions:

1. Throw everything into the pot.
2. Cook for 30mins - 1 hr
3. Add some more spinach and boil for a few mins

Serving Instructions:

1. Have a bowl of the soup and a bowl of the rice
2. Scoop some rice into the soup and eat!

Secret Legendary Recipe: Oil Soy Sauce Rice

If you find yourself endlessly debating between oil salt rice or soy sauce rice, I completely understand your dilemma. In fact, this age old problem have plagued the Chinese throughout history. Many lives have been lost as these two choices battled for supremacy, ultimately fragmenting the entire kingdom to the brink of collapse. It turned brothers against sisters, mothers against sons, lefties against righties, tall people against short people, and toilet paper roll "unders" against "overs". Legend has it that a great general, known for wiping out entire armies from a single swing of his big ass (sic) sword, wanted to end the bloodshed and reunite the people. And thus, he shared this recipe: Oil Soy Sauce Rice, and all the people rejoiced.

Equipment:

1. Zojirushi Neuro Fuzzy rice cooker
2. A nonstick pan

Ingredients:

1. Jasmine rice
2. Pearl River Bridge Light Superior Soy Sauce. Get this right! NOT that kikkoman crap.
3. Sea bass
4. Ginger
5. Sea salt

Instructions:

1. Cook the rice in the rice cooker.
2. Grill the sea bass with sea salt and lots of ginger. There is no need to add oil as the sea bass is oily.
3. Plop the rice into a bowl.
4. Mix the oil released from the sea bass into the rice. Toss the sea bass, as we can't possibly imagine any further uses for this.
5. Mix the soy sauce into the rice.

Enjoy!

Stolen Recipe: Soy Sauce Chicken Drummettes of the Snake

Snakes love chicken.

Equipment:

1. A pot

Ingredients:

1. Chicken drummettes - Snakes can swallow drumsticks whole, but we need to start with something smaller.
2. A bottle of Kikkoman Lite Soy Sauce - We will be wasting a lot of soy sauce so please use a low quality soy sauce such as this.
3. Brown Sugar - Sweet.
4. Ginger - Because Raptors love ginger.

Instructionsssss:

1. Put the chicken into the pot
2. Cover the chicken with soy sauce
3. Add a few big spoonfulls of brown sugar
4. Add ginger
5. Cook until cooked.

Serve with rice, and a nice refreshing drink.

Spam and Eggs

This recipe is so secret that I'm not even supposed to be talking about it. In fact, if my true identity is ever discovered, I may be kicked out of the secret food society for revealing this recipe. But, for the sake of Valentines day, I will risk it all so that lovers eveywhere can share their love with spam and eggs.

Equipment

1. The heaviest stainless steel pan known to man
2. A little spoon from Ikea
3. A bowl the size of your brain -- please choose appropriately

Ingredients

1. 2 organic eggs from happy chickens
2. 1 can of Spam from happy Spaminals
3. Extra virgin olive oil, as previously described

Eggs are hella good when burnt, but they also become dry. Unburn eggs taste like nothing and is just total crap. Therefore, we will use this secret technique to capture the best of both worlds. In essence, at the core is the spam, which is covered by burnt eggs, and then covered by fluffy moist eggs.

Procedure

1. Crack the 2 eggs into the bowl, try not to let it fly out of your hand like that one time when I was at BCD Tofu House.
2. Use the little spoon and scoop up little pieces of spam into the bowl
3. Add a dash of sugar
4. Stir the pieces of spam in the bowl to mix the eggs and spam
5. Heat up the pan and add some olive oil
6. Scoop the individual pieces of spam onto the pan using the spoon. Do not pour the remaining eggs in.
7. Slightly brown the spam to your liking, burn it a bit even.
8. Pour the rest of the eggs in and mix it up real good on the pan using the spoon. Take it off the heat as soon as it's cooked to retain moisture.

Eat it with rice :b..................

Krazy EZ noodle soup

Lately I've been in noodle mode, and those of you who know me knows that once I start, I can't, I can't, I can't stop!

Here's an ez noodle soup recipe that takes no time to make :b...............

Ingredients:

1. Hot water
2. Pearl River Bridge brand Soy Sauce because it's the shit!
3. Kadoya brand pure sesame oil because it's the shit!

Instructions:

1. Pour hot water into bowl
2. Add soy sauce. Taste. It should be brownish color, kinda bland
3. Add a few drops of that crazy sesame oil. Taste. O shit it tastes good!

Done. Just add the already cooked noodles into the soup :b..........

Burnt Eggs

Some people make new recipes by accident. You will never find such things here at the pepsikolanut food blog.

So one day I decided to make some eggs sunny side up, but then got curious and wondered what would happen if i leave it on the pan longer. So what happens? Crazy tasty, that's what!

Equipment:

1. The most expensive stainless steel pan money can buy. None of that non-stick stuff, things won't burn right. But uhh don't say I didn't warn you, this can be one tough pan to clean x_x!!!!

Ingredients:

1. Extra Virgin Olive oil made from the finest olives in italy, hand picked by beautiful virgins.
2. Organic eggs from chickens fed an all vegetarian diet rich in flax seed, thus containing high amounts of Omega-3 fatty acids -- because acid is good for you.

Instructions:

1. Heat the pan on high until it's too hot
2. Turn down the heat to medium then pour a little bit of oil to coat the pan. If the oil wasn't bubbly when it touched the pan, then your pan wasn't hot enough. If your pan starts looking all burnt, then the olives weren't picked by virgins, or your pan is dirty.
3. Crack two eggs into the pan. If you punctured the egg yolk, you're screwed. Start over.
4. Put the heat to LOW. Don't touch the eggs. Don't even move the pan. Just let it sit. When you think you've waited long enough, wait a little longer. The egg is going to crackle and pop, but don't give in. The egg yolk will start getting bubbly and the egg white will slowly invade the egg yolk. Not yet! When you see the egg yolk start turning a little green (yeah... green..) wait a little longer, then you're done.
5. Lift the egg onto a plate. It shouldn't stick.
6. Eat it plain.

The best part of the egg is the egg yolk. That portion has got a burnt egg white later on the very bottom, a burnt egg yolk layer right above, a cooked egg yolk layer above that, and raw egg yolk above that! mmmmmmmmm crazy flavor :b.........

Apparently, if you don't have the heat low enough, it'll get too burnt and tastes really bad hahahahah

Oil Salt Rice

This is a variation of the recipe "Soy Sauce and Rice", also a closely guarded secret traditional Chinese recipe passed down verbally for generations. It's really good because it brings out the flavor of rice and also easy going down.

Equipment:

1. Zojirushi Neuro Fuzzy rice cooker

Ingredients:

1. The finest Jasmine rice money can buy. Get this right, Jasmine, and not some other fancy rice. It's the kind that smells really good, Jasmine! And it's white rice, NOT brown rice, you hippies.
2. The finest tap water money can buy.
3. Oil -- extra virgin olive oil :b.........
4. Sea Salt -- preferably imported from somewhere exotic, like Mars. When in doubt, get the most overpriced one.

Instructions:

1. Rinse the rice twice to wash away all the useless nutrients.
2. Use a rice cooker to cook the rice, follow rice cooker instructions.
3. Before you start cooking the rice, add a dab of oil and a little bit of salt. A DAB OF OIL unless you want a heart attack.
4. Cook and eat